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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24040870">Telefone (Long Distance Love Affair)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likeyah64/pseuds/Likeyah64'>Likeyah64</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:02:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,737</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24040870</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likeyah64/pseuds/Likeyah64</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ferris and Cameron are very much alike in their fear of accepting their feelings and tendency to go too far.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ferris Bueller/Cameron Frye</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>119</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Telefone (Long Distance Love Affair)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>"Cameron? This is you, isn't it? No, I'm not. No, I'm not drunk! I'm at a party right now and-- Yeah, a party. That's what I was going to tell you. Yes, I am. They made us take so many jello shots, Cameron. I feel awful. No, I'm not. I just wanted to hear your voice. Yeah, that's all. Everyone is such a fucking loser, Cam. I wish you here. I'm so sad. Please don't hang up. No, don't, Cameron, I feel so shitty. No. I don't want you to. I don't know, I wanted to hear your voice. I'm sorry. No, really. I know how much you value your sleeping hours, and I know how much you prepare before you go to bed, and I know tonight is Quilt Saturday, I know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry. I can't stop saying it, I'm sorry. For everything. For me. It's so late now but Cameron, I love you. No... Cameron, I love you... Are you still there? Oh God, wait, I'm sorry, Cam, I didn't mean it, I take it back, please answer me... don't... okay...okay, fine. Good night."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron was not prepared for Monday. He'd spent his entire day unable to get out of bed, unable to eat or sleep or drink. His father had to drag the covers off of him, one by one, at 7:30, screaming that he'd miss the bus. Cameron said that he was sick. His Dad scoffed and left the room. Cameron forced himself out of bed and into the bathroom.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He ate his cereal at a leisurely pace, focusing on a fingerprint on their chrome kitchen sink faucet. He listened to the bus pull up to his curb, stall, then pull away. He tied his shoes, collected his school materials, left the house and began the walk to school.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The first bell rung at 8:30. Cameron walked into class at 9:20.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>When Ferris looked up to see who had come in, he smiled and patted the seat next to him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Cameron? I know it's late, I'm sorry. No, I am. What? No, I'm home. Yeah, I am. 'Cause it's easier this way. There's something wrong with me. No, I swear there is. My insides are burning up. I'm going crazy, Cameron. Please talk to me. More. I just want to hear you. You shouldn't tolerate me, Cam. I'm such a- I'm so fucking- fuck, fuck, fuck... I love you so much. I'm so sorry, but it's true. No, I'm not. I know what I mean. I love you. I love you. Say something. I love you. Cameron... fuck. Are you still there?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Sloane wanted Cameron and Ferris to help her film a fake advertisement for marketing class, but Cameron decided he would flake. No sooner had he started the coffee machine did Ferris and Sloane start banging on his front door.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They stood on the doorway, expectant, Sloane with her camcorder and Ferris with two armfuls of clothes. Cameron gulped.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Costumes,” Ferris said, wiggling his eyebrows.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Yeah, come on Cam! You know you have the best house in town,” Sloane protested. She lifted her free hand and placed it under her chin, fluttering her eyelashes. Cameron looked at Ferris, who continued his eyebrow dance. Sick relief warmed his hands back up.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Whatever,” Cameron groaned, letting his squealing friends in.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't think you understand what you do to my fucking head, Cam. I'm think I’m going crazy. I must be going crazy, right? Could you say something, Cam? Could you say it back?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron walked into class, took one look at Ferris and felt a strong impulse to run. There were deep, dark circles enclosing his eyes, dark enough to be bruises. His eyes were glazed over and his was expression dim. He had obviously not slept at all.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris looked over at Cameron, but did not pat the seat next to him. He turned away and stared at the chalkboard. Cameron slid next to Julie Mendez and as he expelled a surprisingly shallow breath, he realized he had not been breathing at all.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Cameron, something's wrong with Ferris. I mean, like, really wrong with him. He won't eat or sleep or talk to anyone. He hasn't even kissed me or anything. Have you seen him lately? Jesus. Do you think something happened? Maybe his parents are splitting up. Do you think there's another girl? Has he said anything to you? Oh, then it must be bad. Yeah you do. You two are a better couple than me and him. Well, would you call me if he says anything? Oh, by the way, Julie Mendez totally thinks you're hot."</p>
</div><div><p><br/>
</p>
<hr/></div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron sat on his bed for at least three hours, staring and staring at his telephone, willing it to ring. It never did, and Cameron fell asleep sitting up. He woke up with a start, head spinning and heart racing, catching the last bit of echo still bouncing around the room from when he had said Ferris' name in his sleep.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hello? Cameron? You need to come over here. I don't fucking know, Ferris is being so theatrical. He's locked his bedroom door and won't let anyone talk to him. It's so juvenile. You're the only hope! Ugh, no. You know how I feel about her. Just come over, okay? Christ."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron has his first and only kiss with a transfer student named Svetlana in eighth grade in a supply closet. She was the prettiest girl in their class, he remembered, and she had wiped her mouth with the back of her hand once they were done. He told Ferris, who told everybody, and by the end of the day Cameron had been beaten savagely by her boyfriend, who happened to be the junior varsity basketball captain.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Svetlana had tasted like sticky dollar lip gloss. Ferris reminded him more of chocolate ice cream. Svetlana was stiff and unresponsive where Ferris was handsy and yielding. Cameron didn't know what to do. Ferris could tell, Ferris laughed, Cameron didn't.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Ferris, are you gonna open your big mouth?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“For you I would.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Would you stop it?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“I won’t tell a soul. It wouldn’t be in our best interest anyway, pal.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hello? Yeah, he's so much better! What did you do? It had to be something. So what, he just fixed himself? I'll bet. I'm not saying you're a liar, but you're a liar. Oh, it doesn't matter. As long as he's back to normal. Thanks for whatever you did. Which was nothing, right. Sure."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris really liked kissing Cameron. He'd kiss him mid-sentence, his own sentence, and wouldn't stop until Cameron physically pushed him away, which was rarely. Cameron had gotten the hang of it, finally. He could kiss Ferris back for as long as he liked. He didn't even get nervous anymore. It was nice, and it felt nice.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron forced himself not to think about it. That would probably be the worst thing he could do. He just took what he could and gave what he had and wrapped himself in the novelty feelings.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You left a sock here. No, it's fine. You're entirely too precious. Spaceships? People see these, you know. I'm not teasing, you're just you, you know? You're just... You. Oh, shut up. I'll see you in class."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron was terrible at anything vaguely romantic. He knew it, and Ferris knew it, but Ferris kept telling him it was okay. Sometimes he'd stare dead into Cameron's eyes and wouldn't look away until Cameron did, blushing and wringing his hands because he didn't know what the fuck was going on. He hadn't a clue.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron was really terrible at anything physical and he knew it and Ferris knew it but that never stopped Ferris, not in the least. It took him 16 straight days to convince Cameron that blowjobs were not as disgusting as they sounded and it took him four more days to get Cameron to let him touch his dick. It was unbearably weird at first and Cameron would always stop him before they could get too far until one day Ferris took Cameron in his mouth without asking permission and well, the rest is history.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hi, is this Cameron? Hi! It's me, Julie. Julie Mendez? I sit next to you in History? Yeah! Yeah no, totally, I just wanted to ask if you were going to James' party tonight. Yeah, he is! Well, you definitely should. 'Cause how rad would that be? And I mean, we should totally hang out more. No, yeah, like totally. I think we have like, a bunch in common. Yeah! So you'll come? I'll take that as a yes. I'll be looking for you!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron understood why Ferris told him not to bring a gift as soon as he made the left onto Main Street. He didn't even know who to give his apple-cinnamon scented candles to. He'd never seen so many kids in one place besides school, and it scared him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Don’t shit your pants Cameron. Girls aren’t into feces.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Julie Mendez found them within two minutes of their arrival and threw her arms around Cameron's neck as though they hadn't only spoken twice in their lives. Ferris smirked.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron couldn't really remember anything past winning his third game of beer pong. He remembered breaking a vase, he remembered losing one of his shoes, he remembered making out with Julie in the back of his car. When he woke up at 6:30am, sprawled on top of Julie in the backseat of his car with his pants off, he was still clutching the scented candles.</p>
</div><div><p><br/>
</p>
<hr/></div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No, actually, she said you were really good. Better than expected. Not like we had... I mean, she had low expectations for you. Cameron, why are you moping? No, I don't understand. Do you not like her? Why'd you fuck her then? Okay, no need for yelling. Okay, I get it, jeez. I'll call you back when you're not being a psychopath."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris smiled with Cameron's fingers on his lips and told him that it would be a good idea. If Cameron dated Julie and Ferris continued dating Sloane, everything would be so much easier. Cameron didn't know how that could possibly be true, but he just smiled back and kissed the corner of Ferris' mouth.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Later, on Cameron's roof, Ferris asked how it felt to not be a virgin anymore. Cameron wanted to tell him how he didn't really feel like it counted, not because he was black-out drunk, but because he'd been convinced he'd lose it to Ferris. He wanted to tell Ferris how much Julie's voice bothered him, that she spelled "disappointed" with one P, that she smelled like soup all the time where Ferris smelled like new leather and the wind.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron said "nice, I guess". Ferris turned away from him and looked at the sky until they had to go back downstairs.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>When Ferris kissed him again before going home, Cameron could feel the reluctance. It hurt so much it made him dizzy.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hi, you've reached Mr. and Mrs. Bueller. Kindly leave a message!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron had never dated anyone before. He thought there was a way, steps to becoming someone boyfriend, but the Monday after he'd hooked up with Julie, she called him baby at lunch and kissed on the mouth in front of everyone. It was nice, because he probably would have fucked up somewhere along of the way the courting process, but then again he wouldn't have minded if he did. It was sort of the plan. At least, before she marked her territory.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Now Cameron really had no idea what to do. And Julie made it obvious that she wanted to do more than kiss for hours like seventh graders. She wanted to go on dates, and hold hands in the hallway and do cute couple things, but most of all, she wanted to consummate their arrangement. It was nothing short of overwhelming for Cameron. She'd become devastated when Cameron sputtered an excuse to get her to stop unbuttoning his pants, and it would give Cameron this weird feeling of feeling really shitty and really great at the same time.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Not that they hadn't come close on more than one occasion. They'd only been dating for a week but Julie saw no point in taking anything slow. Before the party, he was a virgin who had received head once from his best friend. By Friday, he couldn't think of anything he hadn't done with her. Cameron realized his semen had been everywhere on her body, but only in her once, and soon she would get sick of him blowing her off every time she pulled a condom from her bag.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, I feel like it's my responsibility. I couldn't leave you at such a disadvantage. As your best friend. You can't let that go to waste. She's a solid 10, Cam. Like, Sloane isn't even in that ballpark. Don't tell her I said that, fuck."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Kissing Ferris again felt weird. Not in a bad way, necessarily. It had only been a week since they last did anything together. And Cameron had a girlfriend now, a fact that never failed to pop in his mind every two minutes and squander his attempts at getting it up.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris was always good at distracting him, though.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Does she let you come on her tits?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You’re a Neanderthal.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Come on.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“So what?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Are you serious? And you won't fuck her? Really?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Jesus, Ferris. It’s my business."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris chuckled and winked, opening his mouth and licking Cameron from base to tip. It was something Ferris did that drove him crazy. The sensation was nice, but the way Ferris let his eyes close, the way his tongue hung out of his mouth right before he'd start drove Cameron's blood pressure through the roof. Weird things like that made his mind go blank, Ferris sucking on his fingers during a movie, Julie turning red when her gag reflex wouldn't turn off.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They'd gotten all their clothes off, Ferris' legs were on his shoulders and Cameron had finally started to calm down after trying to back out.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Are you ready?" Ferris asked.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't know. Yes. I think so. Jesus."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Gee, Ferris, since I'm about to penetrate you, maybe I should be the one asking-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Are you ready, Ferris?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Of course. Let's do this."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>If Ferris thought he was ready, he was absolutely wrong, because as soon as Cameron put the tip in, he almost passed out. His eyes rolled back and he couldn't make any sound for a good three seconds before he started gasping in pain. His body told him to push in, so he did, but then Ferris screamed and he was brought back to reality.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I figured it out. No, I can’t say it, it's really weird. No. Trust me, it's for your own sake. Plus the government is probably tapping our phones and I don't want Reagan knowing about this."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Three wine coolers was all it took for Cameron to stop being an anxious mess and finally have sex with his girlfriend. It wasn't nearly as stressful as he'd built it up to be, but it wasn't that momentous either. It felt good, good, really good, really fucking good, then it was done and Cameron just wanted to sleep. Julie moaned a lot, but it was more annoying than anything else, partly because Cameron knew for a fact that he couldn't be that good on his second try, partly because it was just an irritating sound. Ferris was ridiculously vocal, but it was different. He made Cameron's hands tingle.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Julie wanted to cuddle, so they did. She gushed about this and that while Cameron couldn't stop feeling like shit about the fact that all he could think about while they were fucking was Ferris.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh no, like, mom thought you were great. Like, totally, yeah. She was all like, 'this is the nicest boy you brought home yet' and I was all like, 'lay off mom'. Daddy? He totally loves you. Like, deep down, somewhere in his heart. Yeah, definitely. He just, like, still sees me as his little girl, you know? It's like, super lame. Gag. What? Okay. Okay, I love you!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What, there? Like, inside of it? No.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris grinned and dropped his head. Cameron thought he was crazy, but no, Ferris was beet red. He'd never seen Ferris blush; not when his mom showed his baby photos to people, not when teachers called him out in class, never.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yes, Cam." He finally uttered, shrugging and spreading his legs. Cameron gaped and sputtered.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh no, I can’t.” Cameron sat up on his knees and dropped the lube Ferris bought.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Do it for Julie." Ferris encouraged him. Cameron grimaced for a split second, then sighed. He poured the slippery substance all over his hand. Ferris laughed at him. God, I’m a liar, he thought, as he stuck a finger into Ferris and watched him squirm. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Is that right?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Probably." Ferris offered, worrying his bottom lip. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What? What does that mean?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It means probably."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"But-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's fine, Cameron."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It wasn't fine, though. One awkward action lead to another, and soon Ferris' legs were on his shoulders again while Cameron was dripping lube everywhere.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Should I?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't see why not."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron pushed into Ferris at a glacial pace, worried that he would hurt Ferris again, but Ferris just looked kind of fascinated. When he got it all in, he looked down at Ferris for approval.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"This is the most odd feeling." He commented, looking a bit tired already. Cameron started to ask him if that was good or bad, but Ferris interrupted and started explaining the mechanics of a thrust to him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron pretended to take mental notes, then began, forcing himself to exhibit much less skill than he actually had, which became more and more difficult as his anxiety shed and he realized how fucking amazing Ferris felt. Cameron looked down at Ferris and almost shuddered with the urge to lean down and kiss him, push his knees back to his ears and fuck the shit out of him. Ferris didn't like hickeys, but Cameron wanted to give him a hundred. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Cam. You're so cute, Cameron."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ferris, honestly, you're-" Cameron started before Ferris started shivering the way you do when a chill goes down your back.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh God, that was it. That was the thing." Ferris panted, hooking his feet behind Cameron's back. Cameron stopped.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What thing? Did I do something?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No! I mean, yeah, you did, you hit it. The thing. Whatever it's called."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"The prostate?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yes, that thing!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ferris, you're supposed to know what that is. You're supposed to get it checked."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, you hit it and it felt so fucking good." Ferris crooned, sending dull tingles up Cameron's fingers and toes. Ferris' legs fell back to Cameron's sides. "Do it again."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"How'd I do it before?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't know, Cameron." Ferris huffed, annoyed and grinding his hips into Cameron's impatiently. Cameron began thrusting again, full of anxiety and restraint and shame and confusion until Ferris tilted his head back and mumbled "Cameron" coarsely under his breath.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Did I do it?" Cameron asked, probably a little too zealous, but Ferris didn't seem to notice.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah, yeah, you- oh, fuck." Ferris groaned, locking his legs around Cameron once again. He dug his fingernails into Cameron's shoulder blades.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I did it." Cameron guffawed, general fear melting into a sense of achievement and genuine excitement, something he hadn't felt since childhood. Ferris' eyes rolled down and met his for a moment, a moment longer, and Cameron felt something he couldn't really place. The moment caught up to him and he looked away, suddenly close to coming.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I think... I might... I'm gonna..." Cameron huffed, thrusting a little harder and faster. His senses switched to overdrive as he fought his orgasm. He could hear the way Ferris' breath was catching, all the inaudible sighs and moans he would otherwise be missing out on. He felt the sticky friction keeping them together.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Don't, please." Ferris begged, trailing his hands down to Cameron's hips. He locked his puppy dog eyes with Cameron, but another good thrust had them rolling back into their sockets.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It happened before Cameron could really process it. He had a really awful cum sound. He'd known it since he had first been able to. Julie had even said so one night, tried to play it off as casual so that Cameron wouldn't react (which he did, of course). Ferris started laughing.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Fuck you," Cameron huffed as he came to, arms shaking as he tried to keep himself up. Ferris continued chuckling.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh, Cam. That was bad. That was like you were shitting and yawning at the same time."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Shut up. Shut up shut up-" Cameron's litany of demands was interrupted as his arms gave out and he fell on top of Ferris. His face fell on the pillow beneath Ferris' head, and Ferris started stroking the back of his.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's all love, kiddo. It's all love." Ferris teased. Cameron lifted his head to say something and was interrupted when Ferris kissed him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>It was too much. Cameron was still inside of him and had just come inside of him and it was supposed to be purely educational but neither of them really had any idea why they had to add that pretense, why it was sex that was the dealbreaker, what deal were they breaking?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris broke it two seconds in, cleared his throat and blushed for the second time that day.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Your semen is dripping out of me, Cameron." and for once in his life, Cameron appreciated Ferris' infallible bluntness.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hey, I know Julie's in Oregon for the rest of the week but I want my boyfriend back, thank you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They didn't do it again. Not for a few days at least. It was too weird. They fucked on Wednesday, avoided each other until Friday, fooled around Saturday and Sunday and didn't mention it until the wee hours of Monday.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Sunday night, Cameron and Ferris were both shit drunk, trying to find the channel that was airing Family Feud. It was difficult, though, because Ferris kept calling him baby, because Ferris kept talking about how Sloane wasn't putting out lately, because Ferris said he wanted to suck Cameron's dick. And Cameron didn't hesitate one second to take his dick out this time. All he could think was God, this kid has got a mouth on him, what the fuck.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris, overzealous, turned bright pink and began to gag. Cameron's instinctual reaction was to shove himself further down Ferris' throat. Ferris began to panic, and the Heineken-soaked thought of Ferris choking and dying on his dick was so horrific he almost scared himself sober.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris' head flew back. His face was streaked with tears and he was drooling a bit, but his expression was fierce.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I-I'm sorry, oh shit, fuck, I'm so sorry." Cameron slurred, aware but not caring that his pants were down and his dick was out. Ferris' expression gradually softened and he wiped the side of his face, completely missing the trail of tears. He said that it was okay, leaned forward and kissed Cameron's tip chastely. There was a pause and Ferris looked up at him expectantly, eyes puffy and face red. His dick twitched.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron liked being drunk a little too much. The ease in which he could say what he wanted as he wanted was something that was exciting and new to him. It was like magic.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Can I come on your face?" Cameron asked. He heard his own voice, his own question and was not embarrassed in the slightest. It was bewildering. Ferris suddenly grabbed his knees. Cameron thought he would hit him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yuh-huh." Ferris replied dumbly. Tears clung to his eyelashes and Cameron thought he would die.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Masturbating in and of itself was a difficult, guilt-laden task for Cameron, sober Cameron. He remembered reading about voyeurism in one of his mother's weird, liberal magazines, and he remembered thinking how awful that would be. But he was drunk Cameron now, and it was kind of cool. Ferris' eyes were closed and he looked almost serene. The tears were drying now, but he was still flushed all the way down to his neck. A bunch of fleeting thoughts went through his head, most of them unspeakably explicit; the result of voluntary repression. I think we'll get married, he thought. He realized he was staring straight at Ferris and felt warm. The thought left and Cameron forgot he'd even had it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Have you done this before?" Ferris' eyes flew open and it startled Cameron; for a moment there he thought he might have been sleeping. Ferris looked confused for a minute, looked down at Cameron jerking himself off, then he started beaming.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Of course not." he giggled. He was telling the truth, Cameron knew he was, and for some reason that made him want to come right then. Cameron told him so, and Ferris quickly closed his eyes again.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh my God." Ferris breathed. If Cameron had anything to say about it, he'd say he sounded excited. But he was coming then, so he didn't think it'd be reliable testimony.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cum splattered across Ferris' eyelids, nose and mouth. He scrunched up his face, tried to open one eye, then gave up. Cameron gawked and thought he might get hard again. Ferris spat.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I thought I would like this but I don't." he laughed, face still pinched up. Cameron stood up.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'll be right back." he said, hopping towards his kitchen to retrieve paper towels. He was a little less drunk now and it didn't feel that great. He thought about what he had just done, shuddered in disgust and grabbed the roll of towels.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>When he returned, Ferris was on the couch licking the side of his hand, face clean. Cameron paled.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Did you...?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What?" Ferris asked, feigning ignorance. There was still a bit of cum on his eyebrow, and Cameron was tempted to inform him, but he thought if he had seen Ferris lick his cum off of his hand, he'd have a heart attack.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Is there more beer?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Of course."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"We need more beer."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"That's what I like to hear!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They contained themselves for about two and a half cans. The next thing Cameron knew, his pants were down again and so were Ferris', except Ferris' pants were on the floor, and was on top of Cameron's bathroom sink. Ferris was talking, but Cameron wasn't listening. He was too busy trying to get it in, something that had never been so difficult. He managed to do it eventually, but Ferris tensed up. Cameron gave him a questioning look.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It hurts." Ferris said, breathing through his nose. Cameron groaned and went deeper.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Cameron, Cameron," Ferris pleaded, struggling against Cameron's embrace. His breaths were coming in short and every time Cameron sank deeper into him, he would stop breathing altogether.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh God," Cameron exhaled and stopped, grabbing Ferris' face. He seemed annoyed but not much else. In fact, he looked kind of intrigued. "Oh God,”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You're into that, aren't you?" Cameron blinked.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I... what?" Cameron breathed. Ferris smirked. Cameron knew this was his plan face, and for once he didn't groan in displeasure.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris’ moans took on a whistle tone. He begged and cried and occasionally moaned or cursed. Cameron relished in all of it. He didn't want Ferris to be able to walk. He wanted to see tears. Ferris was struggling weakly and Cameron couldn't get enough of it. He was into it, he was so into it, and he didn't feel a bit of guilt.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Slap me." Ferris demanded, distinctly Ferris. Cameron was puzzled but didn't hesitate to do so, without warning. Ferris' cheek turned red and a bead of water appeared in the corner of his eye. Electricity shot through every nerve ending he had. He gasped, and Cameron wanted to do it again, so he did, catching Ferris off-guard. The reaction was one of shock and maybe a bit of fear. Cameron wanted to come so badly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron was high on adrenaline and was fucking Ferris so hard that the sink started to groan. Ferris was aware of this, but barely. He was still riding on the fact that Cameron just hit him in the face and it got him hot, actually, he was kind of teasing but now he knew he was right for sure. He was filled with an inexplicable pride.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Fuck, oh my God, oh my fucking God," Cameron groaned. "Oh God, how can you feel this good, how..." he trailed off, thinking that if he didn't come right then he would explode. Ferris put his mouth to Cameron's ear and watched the world waver and spin.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I love you." he whispered. Cameron came the hardest he ever had in his life. He wouldn't let Ferris go until he came down completely, legs feeling like jelly. They kissed and it wasn't weird like it was before. They kissed and kissed and kissed until Cameron couldn't stand anymore and he had to let Ferris go.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They got dressed and brushed their teeth together and sobered up a little. It was 3am, Family Feud wasn't on anymore but they stared at the blank television anyway.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hi babe, I'm back! How much did you miss me? Like, so much, I know. Call me back ASAP, I totally need to see my honey bunny!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron never had a more awkward morning. They woke up at the same time, still sitting on the couch. Regrettably, they hadn't gotten black out drunk, so as soon as they looked at one another they had to look away.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ah man, I'm getting old." Ferris complained, stretching upwards with great difficulty. Cameron stood up and walked up the stairs without so much as a peep.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He was dizzy and a bit sore, but mostly he was mortified. He remembered Ferris choking and coming on Ferris' face and (slapping?) and dear God. Oh no. He felt heat rising to his face and pooling in his groin and oh God.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron tried to remember what it felt like to be drunk, how it felt to be completely uninhibited, but it wasn't working. He wasn't built to be like this, deal with this or anything, he wasn't. He wanted nothing more than to wrap himself in his blankets for a day or two. He could say he was sick. Yes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron stood in his bathroom doorway and stared at his sink, which was tilted downwards at least 5 or 6 inches. He felt panic rise up in his throat. He swallowed and took a step forward. He stared at the sink for a while, trying to figure out what happened. He bent down to further examine the damage. His head started to pound. His stomach turned and he had to look away from the sink. He thought he might have an aneurysm. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He'd never recalled anything so clearly. It was like his brain had screened a film behind his eyes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>(you're into that aren't you)</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He realized that he had been staring at his reflection, shaking his head back and forth. He'd always been a bit disconnected from everyone, even Ferris. He operated on a different medium. Looking in the mirror, though, he felt as though he wasn't even rooted to the floor.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I can't do it." he said aloud to nobody in particular, not even himself. He wasn't sure where himself had gone.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>(i love you)</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron flew down the stairs and into the kitchen, startling Ferris.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Are you okay-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ferris, do you remember calling me a few weeks ago?" Ferris gave him an exasperated look. "You called me. You said you had Jello shots, and-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh jeez, I remember that party. I called you?" Ferris asked, genuinely at a loss. Cameron deflated.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You did. You were drunk. You've only ever called me drunk three times." Ferris' eyebrows stitched together. For a second he looked as though he had come to an epiphany, and that expression turned to one of fear, briefly. Then it settled into indifference.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I remember that." he said plainly, then turned back to his cereal. "Why?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron was alight with a very rare anger. He had no time to question where it had come from before he was talking.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Is it fun to fuck with me? Do you enjoy it? Would you make a career out of it? I think you'd be really successful." Cameron spat in a voice that didn't really sound like his, gaining on Ferris. He stared daggers into his back.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Cameron, come on. I was drunk. I didn't know what I was saying." he rationalized, still pouring milk and not looking at Cameron at all. As soon as the anger came, it was gone and Cameron felt chilly.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He knew. Ferris always knew exactly what he was saying, and he always said what he meant. Cameron knew that. Cameron knew Ferris was lying. Ferris knew Cameron knew. Cameron knew how very bad this was going to get if they went on like this, knowing everything and acting dumb. He wasn't sure what had driven them to this. He didn't want to walk on eggshells anymore.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ferris, I can't do this with you." Cameron sighed, rubbing a weary hand over his face. Ferris finally turned to look at him coldly. There was a pregnant pause. Warmth returned to Ferris' face but something had fallen out of his eyes. Cameron tried to speak and couldn't.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"That's okay." Ferris assured him, too indifferent. All the moisture in Cameron's mouth was gone. Ferris wrung his hands briefly, dropped his eyes and stepped away from the island.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'll see you in class, then."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hi, Cameron, it’s Julie. I really really really really really have to talk to you, okay?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron should have seen it coming. Their entire lunch was spent in near-complete silence. He couldn't bring himself to be too wary. He treasured silence from Julie.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They finished their food, and Cameron tried to pay but Julie put her hand over his and dropped a $20 on the table and started out the door before he could even move.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Julie waited. She waited until Cameron was on the road to punch him in the side of his head. He shrieked and swerved, nearly hitting another car. Julie asked who she was and threw a punch that landed on Cameron's chin.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>A million things ran through Cameron's head, mostly relating to death and police reports and parental wrath. He didn't think about what Julie was assaulting him for. He decided he couldn't drive with blood pooling in his cheek and a crazy, swinging girlfriend in his passenger seat so he quickly pulled into a McDonald's parking lot. Julie reeled back for a particularly good punch that Cameron caught with his left hand.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He begged her to stop. She punched his hand. She leaned forward and asked again. Cameron didn't know what she was talking about. Julie sat back and stared out the window. She did not blink. After a few seconds, she grabbed her bag off the floor and snatched a mirror out of it. She handed it to Cameron and instructed him to take a good look at himself.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>And he did. He stared at his reflection for about a minute. He tilted his head back and saw it, a smear of deep purples around the bend of his neck. Julie was not an idiot, hickies did not last a week, who is she you fucking-</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Another punch clipped Cameron's bottom lip. Pain blossomed through his jaw. Cameron, not one of handling any type of pain, blurted out the first name that came to him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Julie asked Samantha who? Watkins. She wanted to know who the fuck Samantha Watkins was. She was positive no Samantha Watkins existed in this town. With growing rage, Julie realized Cameron was lying. Cameron panicked again and admitted that he'd lied, he just didn't want her to go after her. Julie reminded him that what he wanted was not on her list on priorities.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron paused, and when nothing came to mind he'd ended up saying Sloane. Julie visibly deflated. She stared out the window again and said nothing. Just as it began to dawn on Cameron how big of a mistake he might have just made, Julie inflated.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Julie blinked. Her eyes were clear as day. Cameron watched them cloud with disbelief, squint in disgust, then cloud again. She shook her head once. Cameron opened his mouth and her head snapped around to look at him. She was staring so deeply into his eyes that Cameron didn't even think it was worth it to lie anymore.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I spoke to Sloane and she said you were with Ferris all week. I spoke to her on the phone. We talk all the time." She said a little hoarsely, a little distant. Cameron felt his bones stiffen.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Julie made as if she were about to vomit. She turned her entire body away from Cameron's, put her feet up on the passenger seat and rested her chin on her knees.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It makes so much sense." Julie breathed. Cameron felt as though he were paralyzed. A kind of terror gripped him, unparalleled to anything else he'd ever felt. They sat in silence for a while when Julie giggled without much amusement.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"So tell me, who's the girl?" She asked, turning back to sneer in Cameron's face. She was trying to provoke him, it was obvious, but Cameron was too overwhelmed to be affected. Julie grew angrier at his lack of response.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Tell me. Do you love him? Do your balls quiver at the sight of him? Do you run your fingers through his hair when he's sucking your dick? Do you look him in the eyes while you're fucking him?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Each jab flew over Cameron's head and he continued to stare at her blankly, still trying to figure out how to fix this, still trying to control his emotions. Julie clenched her jaw. Her body grew taunt and Cameron absently thought she'd hit him again. Then, just like that, a breath escaped her and she slumped against the seat.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't care." She reminded herself, and looked out the window. "Take me home." She demanded, although her tone admitted defeat. Cameron swallowed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Please don't tell anyone." He begged without thinking. He cringed visibly and wondered how much less of an empathic human being he could be. Julie weakly turned her head to train one eye on him, then looked away.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm sorry I ever met you." She mumbled. Cameron felt his stomach twist. He realized for the first time, staring at the back of Julie's head, that she was never in on it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm... I'm so sorry Julie. I really... fuck." Cameron tried, burying his face in his hands. He was entirely unprepared for any of this. Death would be welcome, he thought to himself, but I know I don't deserve it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You're sorry that you have to feel guilty about this. You're not a good person, Cameron. The way you come off, I really thought...I..." Julie trailed off, knocking her forehead against the window. "Please take me home."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>On his way to Julie's house, Cameron thought about the irony of the situation. The day after he ruins everything with Ferris is the day his girlfriend finds out about them. He would have laughed if he weren't already struggling to watch the road through misty eyes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron pulled into Julie's driveway. She sat there for a few seconds and Cameron wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, so he didn't do anything.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I meant to give you this." Julie pulled a gift box out of her bag and threw it onto the dashboard. "I thought maybe we could work something out. But don’t worry. I hope you have a great, deviant life with Ferris. I really do." She opened the car door, climbed out and walked into her house without so much as a glance back. Cameron peeled out and let the box clatter to the floor. He needed to get home before he threw up on his steering wheel.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Hey Sloane, it's Ferris. In some cultures, avoiding a significant other is considered rude. Just a fun fact. Call you later.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>That night he went to Cameron. He didn't know why, he knew why, but he didn't. He thought that at this point, Cameron was only minimally responsible for his confusion.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>His parents weren't there, as per usual. Cameron looked shocked to see him but neither of them addressed that. Ferris made a joke that his folks were at the astounding parents convention. Cameron looked as though he had been crying and was now trying to hide something. Ferris hated the fact that he could see right through him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron told him that Julie broke up with him. Ferris always told himself to trust his gut feeling, but this time he really didn't want it to be telling the truth. So he stood on his tip toes and grabbed Cameron's head and kissed him in that way he knew would make Cameron's mind go blank. When Cameron pushed him away, he wanted to feel rejected but he knew it wasn't that simple.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron stood there for a while, his hands resting at Ferris' shoulders, staring down at the floor. He let one of his hands fall, then the other, then sauntered over to his staircase, all while avoiding eye contact. He pulled at his eyes with the back of his hands. He sighed and finally looked up at Ferris.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's bad, Ferris." He said, his voice gravely deep. Ferris felt a headache coming on.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, lay it on me. Don't be easy, I can take it."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron wrung his hands. He might have scolded him for the innuendo had they not be in what felt like such a dire predicament.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Julie. She’s, um...”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris' head was pounding. He looked up at the ceiling, thinking maybe He could help, but He stayed quiet. Cameron opened his mouth, then closed it.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Not a little Cameron?" Ferris asked, his volume giving away what he thought he knew, what he knew he knew. Cameron started trembling a little, not out of fear, maybe helplessness. Ferris couldn't tell, his brain was pounding against his ears.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"And...it’s not just that, I...I swear I didn't tell her. I don't know how she knew. I... I had hickies but I don't know how she..." Cameron trailed off. He dropped his head into his hands, hard.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Oh Jesus, Ferris thought, if I ever needed you, nothing compares to right now, I'll be honest. I swear to your pops.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Okay." Ferris forced, barely hearing himself. "It's okay. We'll deal with this. It'll be fine."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron huffed. "It’s okay?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris closed his eyes and saw pulsating colors. "Alright, fine. It's bad. It's really really bad, man, and I don't have the answers."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cameron stood up and started tugging at his hair. Ferris watched him in silence.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm so sorry, fuck. I'm sorry, Ferris, I'm-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Shut up." Ferris demanded. Cameron lowered himself to the floor in a helpless heap. "It's bad, it's terrible, really, almost apocalyptic, but by God we'll get through it. I fucking promise."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I...I hurt her so bad."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris wished he had never met Cameron. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I totally forgot I was going away to college." The way Cameron said it made Ferris finally look up. Cameron was staring at him, his eyes wide and watery, glittering, naïve, the way they had been when Ferris had first kissed him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"How am I supposed to do that?" he asked in this meek little voice that made Ferris' throat close up.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You- you got this. You're smart, and all the ladies love you, you'll kill 'em." Ferris assured him. Cameron blinked. He wanted to roll his eyes at himself but didn't.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, I meant, how am I supposed to do that now?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You are not going to believe what Julie fucking Summers told me."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The first three periods were incident free. Cameron thought that maybe the universe had finally cut them a break.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>At lunch, Sloane dumped her lunch tray over Ferris' head when he approached her. Cameron watched as the whole lunch room went quiet. Sloan stood there while Ferris dripped. Cameron wanted to leave as she began to speak but he couldn't get his legs to work.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I hope that you have a good life." She said, almost serenely. She tilted to the side and stared Cameron in the eyes. The entire lunch room followed her stare.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"The both of you." She said with a smile. She turned and walked out of the still-silent lunch room. Ferris wiped his face. Cameron dropped his tray on the nearest table and walked over to Ferris. One of the football players shouted fag on his way over and the whole room erupted in excited chatter.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"We should go." Cameron urged Ferris, who seemed frozen to his spot. "Ferris, come on." He urged, tugging at his arm. He wouldn't budge, and Cameron was ready to leave him there when Ferris suddenly spun around to face the football players.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh, don't be so humble. We all know what you guys do in the locker room after practice. I'm looking at you, Turner." Ferris mocked, utterly defiant and dripping with black beans. As Turner rushed towards him, Ferris smiled. Cameron yanked Ferris as hard as he could and they took off.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>They reached the parking lot and Cameron had to stop to catch his breath. Ferris began to laugh.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What is funny, Ferris?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Nothing!" He shouted, laughing again. "Nothing at all!" </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Some kids began to filter outside of the building. They rushed to Cameron's car. Just as Ferris closed the passenger seat, Turner slammed his meaty hands against Cameron's window. He yelled someone inaudiable as they peeled off.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris picked a few beans out of his hair and ate them. His face was blank and vaguely amused. Cameron watched him out of the corner of his eye, judging but silent. He continued to drive, not knowing where they could go.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm going to the community college." Ferris said, chuckling again. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hey, I could apply now and still get in. Harvard is definitely overrated, and their electrical engineering program is not the best. Like, they boast, but they rent their generators, you know?" Cameron's knuckles were turning white on the steering wheel and he felt his chest begin to tighten.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Don't you fucking dare!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"God, Ferris! I don't know what to do! You can't stay here!" Cameron yelled.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Oh, don't worry about me, Cam. I'll take it like a man." Ferris winked and popped another bean into his mouth. Cameron pulled over wildly, turned off the ignition, and turned to face Ferris.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"This isn't funny."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Not really, no."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Why aren't you taking this seriously?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris looked up at Cameron, a bit of bean sauce dripping from his eyelash. He looked terribly vulnerable at that point. Cameron reached out to touch his cheek and recoiled. Ferris grabbed his hand and put it on himself.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ferris, there's sauce all over my hand." Cameron complained, not moving his hand. Ferris looked at him from under his wet eyelashes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I can fix that." He said, popping Cameron's thumb into his mouth. Cameron's heart sped up, and Ferris wouldn't break eye contact.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ferris, this is not a good time." Ferris responded by taking Cameron's hand and sticking his index and middle fingers in his mouth. He still had that look in his eyes and Cameron couldn't tell if he was heartbroken or turned on.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm helping," He said around the fingers, continuing on to the ring finger and pinky, taking his sweet time, Cameron letting him. By the time his hand was clean Cameron was red and flustered. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Seriously, Ferris." Cameron breathed. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Do you hate me?" Ferris asked, kissing Cameron's hand. Cameron shook his head no. "Shouldn't you?" He asked, kissing up Cameron's forearm.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"We can't do this."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I didn't want any of this to happen." Ferris dropped his forearm, leaned forward and dropped a kiss on Cameron's neck. "It wasn't the plan. This wasn't the plan."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I know, but we should stop." Cameron said weakly, his body defying his words. Ferris kissed up his neck and to his jaw. One hand dropped to Cameron's dick. "Ferris..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I know you said you can't do this, but why not?" Ferris asked into Cameron's ear, rubbing. "Why can't we be happy?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You...you aren't thinking straight. Ferris, please." Cameron's last words came out as more pleading than firm. Ferris unzipped Cameron's pants.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Let me make everything better."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ferris..."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Look, I’m sorry, okay?" Ferris whispered, stroking Cameron's dick gently. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ferris!" Cameron yelled, shoving Ferris back into the passenger seat. Ferris began to breathe faster, still maintaining eye contact.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What’s with the mixed signals?” Ferris’ asked, eyes as wide as saucers, then burst into tears. Cameron quickly tucked himself away and brought both of his hands to Ferris' face. He'd never seen him cry, not when he would get beaten up, or dumped, or grounded or anything.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's not your fault, Ferris." </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It is," Ferris said through the snot and tears. His body racked with sobs and Cameron couldn't help but start crying himself. "I...I always wanted you, Cameron. I always did."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Me too." Cameron said, finding that it was true. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I should've kept my mouth shut."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You were never any good at that." Ferris smiled. He wiped his face with the back of his palms. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm sorry, Cameron. I really am." He said gravely. "I thought it would be a good idea, you know, with Julie and I thought it would just wear off once you went away, maybe. I don't know. I'm incapable of thinking too far ahead. I didn't think this would happen."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Neither did I, but it's not your fault. We fucked up together. This isn't all on you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Wow, that's the first time I've heard you say that." Cameron rolled his eyes and Ferris laughed. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"And you won't again." Cameron quipped. Ferris looked up at him again. Cameron realized his hands were still on Ferris' face. He wiped a tear with his thumb. Ferris reached out to wipe one of Cameron's tears.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Look at us, all emotional. I think they're putting estrogen in our food." Ferris said, sniffling.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"That's dumb." </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I love you." Ferris said, clear as day. Cameron paused. His heart began racing again, and another set of tears came streaming down his face. Dropping his hands, it set how long he'd waited to hear that and what it took for him to finally get it. It set in that he was going to be a father to a child who either would never meet him or would never make it, he would be leaving for school in three months, and the entire school had known he was in love with his best friend before he could even say it to his face. He didn't realize that he was doubled over, clutching his chest.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You never deserved to meet me." Ferris said softly, rubbing Cameron's back. "I'm sorry."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Shut up,” Cameron mumbled.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Don't call here anymore. It's none of your business. What? I don't care, Cameron. You think you've got it so bad, don't you? I can't go to school either. I can't show my face anywhere. My parents are looking for houses across town, I just...don't call here anymore, okay? I won't ever need you.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>When they arrived at Cameron's house, he had settled into a state of apathy. Ferris opened the driver's door for him and lead him into the house, holding his hand. He took off his shoes for him and left them at the door. He took him upstairs and they laid in bed together for a while, silent. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“So... tomorrow we tell our parents?” Ferris asked, his eyes twinkling. He turned on his side to look at Cameron, who was staring at the ceiling.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“Yeah. Sure.” Cameron said, far from himself. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“You alright?”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>“No. But I will be.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ferris rested his head on Cameron’s shoulder. The warmth spread from there across his body, and once again his eyes were full of tears. “And I love you, too.”</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this over six years ago, stumbled upon it and decided to throw it up on the archive. God save me!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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